Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Tagged By MieMieMie! :)

Love you schlong time rules:
1. Pass this game on to 5 people
2. Write down 5-10 ways your relationship ticks and works for you!
3. Include a brief history of how you and your significant other met or a timeline, whichever you prefer :)
Best part? NO WORD LIMIT!

Things that Make our Relationship Last:

1) Patience

I've been on a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend from the start, and most people wonder how do long distance relationships work because they'd go crazy if they dont' see their significant other on a day-to-day basis. I personally think patience is very important in that if you know you're with a person who you love a lot and you know they are worth it, waiting should not be the big big big issue like most people thing. Patience does not stop only at the long-distance part. It's also to be patient with the other when either one makes a mistake because we are only human, and when they make a mistake, it's not the end of the world and both people have to have patience to work through the problem and give time for the other to improve themselves. In addition, I feel that sex is overrated(you may disagree here if you'd like). Here's another part that patience plays a role in. Most people are so caught up and go for the sex because they dont' want to wait, and most of the time, people end up with regrets. Most peopel in the moment don't regret it, but later on it tends to bite you. Now this doesn't happen with all people. Some people can walk away as if nothing ever happend, and they are perfectly okay. But for me, I feel that waiting makes it that much more special. I mean, if it happens it happens, but YOU can definitely control your actions. I'm not saying sex is wrong if you don't wait. I'm just saying that some people rush into it too quickly without thoroughly thinking about it, and some people think they have to do it to be cool, but I am VERY well aware that there are plenty of people who do it based solel on the decision that both people love each other very much and they didn't prefer to wait til marriage. Okay, that's fine. The point I'm getting as is more of the lust part of this, not the love. So patience is important over a lot of parts in the relationship.

2) Willing to Work It Out & Not Give Up

I know sometimes the problem seems like it'll never end, or never will be resolved because it seems to have no solution, but trust me, 99% of the problems in relationships CAN be solved, and it CAN be solved if BOTH people work together to do something about it. It doesn't matter if it was just one of the two's faults. BOTH must work and have patience and the will to make things work. You learn how to yield and compromise, not "gimme gimme". Problems go NOWHERE if you're going to be selfish about it or make the other person do all the work. This is a relationship, not a butler where they do things for you. This means teamwork and not allowing petty things to get in the way of the relationship. Don't give up on the person. I know this for sure. I have made MILLIONS of mistakes, and never once did my boyfriend give up on me.EVER. he NEVER gave up on me and believed in me, and that gave me the motivation to be a better person.

3) Give Each Other Room!!!

I feel that long-distance is actually pretty healthy, as long as it doesn't get to an extreme of each person is on a different continent (thought some relationships like that DO work, its just not as often). Being with each other 24/7 will get yall sick of each other in no time. Girls need to have their girl time, and guys need to have their guy time as well. It's very very healthy to hang out with other people in conjunction with hanging with your significant other some other time. My bf's sister talked to me how the distance allows each other to grow to become THEMSELVES and who THEY are and they can discover themselves without the influence of others, especially the significant other. We shouldn't go out of our way to shape ourselves to fit into the mold of what the other wants us to be, so distance is good so each other can grow and learn from others as well.

4) Just...GIVE! Generousity

Relationships aren't meant to be selfish. You aren't supposed to "tally up" who did what so they can return each other whatever "they owe". Nobody owes anybody anything in that bad way. You give because you wanted to make the other person happy and to not expect something in return. Now, there IS a fine line where expecting to get something in return IS necessary. It's not right when someone gives and gives and gives, and the other gives nothing but hate, or treats the other inferior. That's SO not giving. You need to know if YOUR needs are met as well. Now if it's like "oh i bought you this gift, so you have to buy me one too"...that's ridiculous and shouldn't happen in relationships. You should always take to an extent, but what I think is to give plenty, take in moderation. And do it sincerely because it'll just end up back in square one where if you do something nice with the intention of trying to get something in return, that's just not right. That means your'e basically doing something to solely benefit yourself, and remember this is a relationship: teamwork; you're not dating yourself.

5) Honesty

That should be fairly self-explanatory. There ARE some things out there that are better left unsaid, but for the most part, honesty needs to be there because it leads to TRUST. How can anybody trust each other if everybody keeps lying? You get problems resolved and you create a more positive future by being honest, not deceiving. Oh, and honesty applies to cheating as well. Cheating is NOT one of those "better left unsaid". Hiding that is being a coward, unfaithful, unloyal, definitely not helping the relationship.

6) Love & Affection

SHOW that you love each other! Now I don't mean go have sex right away--not what i meant! love & affection is very healthy and makes each other happy. Warm hugs are wonderful and so are meaningful kisses. This should be self-explanatory. Don't just kiss or hug for the sake of getting horny or that "it's cool" or whatever the wrong-case may be. These things are great ways to show the other how much they care. Just dont be a cold person and leave the other in the dust. You'll make them feel deserted and very much alone, and nobody likes that feeling.

7) Care & Support

of course the previous paragraph leads to this one! Care for one another. Be concerned and know that the other person matters a lot and that they are VERY important to you. I mean seriously, lets say for example that the guy is having a really bad day and the girl is like "oh well, toughen it up. its fine"....thats' so not the way to go! Even guys need support, so girls can't expect the guys to always look after them 24/7 because guys need the "tender love and care" too! Let them know that you care about their happyness(yes i mispelled it intentionally) and that you are willing to do something to bring back that sweet smile back onto their face. Support one another. Don't leave the other out in the desert. When we feel down, sometimes we need someone there to listen, or just give a hug, or just to be told that things will be okay.

8) R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Give each other respect! Don't force the other person to do something they don't feel comfortable doing. Respect each other's feelings AND bodies. Be aware of how the other person is feeling--don't ignore it! And don't intentionally do something that you know hurts them or bothers them--that's just dumb and rude! Yall want to be happy right? Respect definitely creates a good atmosphere to understand each other's feelings and points of view. Don't shut down what the other person has to say, because just because you think you're right, doesnt mean that you really are. Give each other a fair chance and respect respect respect!


9) The Little Things

little things DO count, and lots of times, it can make the relationship better! Paying attention to some details shows that you are, well paying attention to the person and not ignoring them or checking out some other person walking by. Don't you just love it when your signficant other knows what food you always liek to order? Or go out of their way sometimes to do something little just to make you HAPPY? All those extra little efforts show that they care, and that they meant a lot, you're on their mind, and love you.

10) Love. love love love <3

There's got to be a "connection", if you know what I mean. Things gotta "click". If things feel "forced" or "unnatural", it's probably that yall MIGHT not share the love, and yall MIGHT not be the one for each other. Sometimes things DO work out if there's no connection & can work to have one, but I feel that relationships just go smoother when things just click and you don't have to work 24/7 to feel loved or to give love. Yes you want to work in the relationship to make it last, but seriously, a relationship is NOT a JOB. Some things that yall do need to just fall together seamlessly. I don't know how to explain it, but it's important to have love, feel very comfortable with each other, without having to sweat over it 24/7. And don't forget to tell the other "i love you".My boyfriend and I rarely ever end a conversation without telling "i love u". If one or the other doesn't say it, we end up calling each other back just to say it to let each other know we love one another. We don't treat love as "just something". We cherish it and cherish each other and it's important to the both of us to tell each other "i love you".

EDIT: I know the rules only say 5-10, but I want to add one more VERY important thing!

11) Saying "I'm sorry" and Forgiveness

We all make mistakes, whether it be unintentionally, or fully knowing what our actions will cause, but all the in the end, we are human and we make mistakes, and forgiveness is something powerful that allows the other person to turn around and have the opportunity to fix what is wrong. It is also important to say "i'm sorry" when you do something wrong. It shows that you are fully aware that what you did hurt the significant other and you are willing to do something to not only fix it, but to make him/her happy. Don't just say "im sorry" for "just because" reasons and to get away with things. Don't abuse those words because it gets really old when a person(whether it be in a relationship OR friendship OR work buddies) apologizes excessively when they really don't mean it. When you say I'm sorry, mean it truthfully because "i'm sorry" is meant for its true purpose, not to make you "look good" and "make the problem go away". It lets the person know you care and love them to step up, admit that you are wrong, and are more than willing to do something about it. And forgiveness takes courage as well. Lets take for example Pope John Paul II who forgave the guy who intentionally tried to kill him. That true forgiveness took a lot, i mean seriously, how can you forgive someone who's trying to kill you!?! but in either way, that forgiveness took effort by looking into the heart and trying to understand the other person's point of view. As with everything, have "i'm sorry" and forgivenesses in moderation in that if you forgive too much, lots of times you get walked over and used, and if when you say "im sorry" without meaning it and saying it excessively, it loses its meaning and people trust you less because of your deceit. So keep truth in these lovely, powerful, meaningful words that can help mend problems and a relationship last forever

How My BF and I met:

I'm sorry, but I'd rather respect people's privacy and not tell yall how we met and how our relationship started. I hope yall understand :), but I can talk upon my part and how I feel of what I've done that deals with the topics I listed above and what's going on briefly in-between.

I honestly feel that I have been the "bad" one in the relationship. I always always messed up to a horrible level, and I was so rude to my bf, that I have no idea how he put up with me. My ridiculous whining and all of that, I dont' know what was wrong with me. But after a couple fights and letting my bf speak his mind, things just smacked my head and gave me an epiphany that I need to change.

I always had a problem with TRUST because I have been betrayed so much. The people who I counted on the most ALWAYS left me, hurt me, you name it. I hated it, and so I kept accusing my bf so much of ridiculous things such as "omg ur checking out that girl aren't you". Yea, petty things and immature things like that. I didn't trust him when he was around other girls because I was always scared that he'll just end up being another person important to me who would leave me. I never believed him when he tells me he loves me. I was so blind and STUPID! It was only until the 2nd year we were dating that I started to change myself for the better. To this day, I still have trouble with the whole "checking out other girls thing", but I've reduced it down so much that I barely complain about it anymore, AND i just end up forgetting about the event and letting it go. Sometimes things like that just need time, but I'm glad I finally got better at some point. Also, I was a bad listener. Though my bf doens't speak his feelings too much (cuz most guys dun talk about how they feel), but when he did speak his mind, I did the opposite of what I wrote above--things needed for a relationship. I shut down his feelings and disregarded what was happening, and I can't believe I did that.

Whenever people are like OMG yall are so good and yall make the relationship last. I cringe every single time because I knew I was guilty. I was guilty of not being part of the "yall". It was more that my bf was doing more of the work and sat back and did nothing. How stupid could I get?!?! After going through disagreements and a few long-night talks, things finally clicked into my mind that what I was doing was NOT okay, on ANY level.

Today, I can finally trust my bf a lot, not freak out if a hot chick walks by, we can communicate and let each other know how we're feeling, and sometime I still need to work on is accepting the feelings because lots of times we don't like to beleive what we hear, especially if it's a complaint pointed towards something we do. I hate being told what I'm doing is wrong because it just makes my self-esteem that much lower. I am constantly told what I'm doing is wrong or isn't good enough, so having one more person, especially someone important, say it to me, i just end up shutting it away, which I should NOT do. Hopefully I'm getting better.

We've been dating for around 3.5 years now, and I feel that I can truly trust my bf, let petty things go, willing to accept my wrondoings and do something about it (improved, but I still need to improve more!), and just overall...I've learned so much and I'm glad things turned out the way it is to this day.

Tag 5 People:

I dun wanna tag anybody cuz I don't know who's done it or not, but please feel free to share yall's wisdoms on relationships and post this on your blog! Especially yall successful married couples--share us your wealth of knowledge! Also, if yall feel there should be some "corrections" in what i wrote, please feel free to state your opinion because everybody has their way of doing something. There's not just one way to make something work, there are many ways, and giving other options always helps :)

Thanks Mie for tagging me! :)

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Oh, btw, when I wrote on one of my previous posts that I'll be doing 1-2 posts a week, that was meant to be like one of those HUGE full blown out reviews/swatches and stuff. Usually these tags and other words can be written rather quickly (or at least for me because I'm a quick typer), but pictures usually require me to take LOTS of pictures. Let me tell you when I make a review, yall just literally see like 5 out of the 20-30 pictures I take of it. I usually take the top pictures that are the clearest and provide the best information and depiction of the product, so it takes me a while to upload them, watermark them through photoshop, and write the whole post regarding it, so I'm sorry I'm slow on reviews. But hey, maybe doing these little inbetween-updates aren't so bad and provides some variety. So yea, I just wanted yall to know that in case there was any misunderstandings of some sort

2 comments:

miemiemie said...

yooooour welcome!:) haha,you added waaay more huh!:) anyway,i thought people here were less conservative than the ones who lived back in asia..haha anyway,im really glad you are happy too right now :)

fuzkittie said...

Awww, even though I've never been not able to trust someone, I can understand the difficulty of standing back up again after being hurt. I'm glad you can trust him now though! It's great! :]

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