I don't get it.
Everything has progressively gotten worse. To be honest with you, I just want to run away, but I have no where to run to, and no money either. I don't have a car and I live in freakin Texas so I can't walk ANYWHERE. To go to a place it's like you have to drive there. On top of that we have horrible weather. And possibly one of the most crimes committed in the country in our city so i'm not exactly safe if I were to go outside the house doors.
I am going CRAZY.
"you better study or else you'll fail"
blah blah blah.
am I really that much of a failure? NO! I know I'm not! I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I may not go to the best college but I'm not failing anything. The only thing I'm doing is Asian-Failing.
I'm tired of being called a failure. I'm sick of being picked at EVERYTHING. literally EVERYTHING i do is wrong. It doesn't matter how much evidence is presented to prove my innocence or to prove I am correct--to my mother I am wrong.
Funny thing is that as each year passes by, my mom thinks i grow exponentially dumber and more helpless and more of a failure. She mentally abuses me so much I am surprised she hasn't physically abused me-- as in slap, or whatever.
I want to move out into an apartment but I can't bc I don't have money. On top of that, I don't even have a car to drive myself around even if i do get an apartment. The bus systems are okay--but not safe enough for a tiny girl like me to be riding around.
I am trying to numb things out. I am trying to not care. I am trying, but honestly, there's only so much and for so long I can do this. I can't stand being criticized over something i didn't do wrong, and it's not even regular insulting. It's bullying and bashing and abusing my mentality.
I don't even feel loved in my home. Hugs? none. Someone to tell me they love me? only my boyfriend.
I just feel bullied to the max. I am the only one living in my house right now with my parents so I logically am the only target left.
What am I supposed to do with my life now. I'm falling apart inside and everything hurts.
For those who have dealt with this, or are currently dealing with this, how do you survive!!?! I'm stuck.
yea unfortunately I already tried talking to my mom.
i cried. I told her she hurts me (and yes i used the word hurt). I've ran away.....to the mailbox--what an accomplishment -___-...and called up my aunt to pick me up but she obviously called my mom and they were chatting away while i was out in the rain. I tried yelling. I tried not saying anything to her and "temporarily accepting her words", I've tried talking in a respectful tone. I tried so much. It's hard to see yourself care so much when the other doesn't care in return.
and sadly this has been going on my entire life. It's just now it's gotten exponentially worse.